अनिल एकलव्य ⇔ Anil Eklavya

June 21, 2012

The Obscenity Award in Progressive Journalism

Filed under: Uncategorized — anileklavya @ 10:40 pm

Goes to the acclaimed progressive newspaper, The Guardian, known for its very progressive reporting that has become progressively progressive in the 21st century, as it has progressed itself and as its men have progressed themselves very progressively, most recently by the work of, and at the expense of, Wikileaks (among others), and promises to progressively progress into the rest of this progressive century (such smart guys these! they deserve corporate investment!):

Julian Assange: five escape routes from the Ecuadorean embassy

The (Grand) Jury specially (and progressively) commends the work done by the The Guardian and its men to set the moral standards for the progressive youth for the generations to (progressively) come, which is especially relevant in the light of the largest ever UN summit being currently held in the Rio for the progress of the planet, which His Majesty Barack Obama and his predecessors tried to foster, which the Honourable David Cameroon (is that the name? let me check…) tried to further foster, and which Her Ladyship Angela Merkel tried to not just further, but to enforce, but which Wikileaks (and others like them) tried to stop.

Give them a big clap.

We were thinking of a 21 drone salute, but it is still expensive: not enough are being manufactured. But this situation will change — think of computer chips. There is great hope from the international project called Drones in Your Homes*. Make no mistake. There will be progress.

* Even Venezuela has agreed to participate in it.

And look at this retrogressive stupido:

Jolie donates $100K on World Refugee Day

The jury specially commends the work of the acclaimed news agency Reuters:

Ecuador says WikiLeaks’ Assange seeks asylum

Who can forget the disservice that the Wikileaks did to the Reuters and its reporters? Let the children learn how to pay someone back.

Update: The Guardian keeps it up.

Update2: It has been pointed out by many that it was unfair of us to give sole credit to The Guardian for something that was a team effort.

***

Drones in Your Homes FAQ

  1. I am a husband of one and father of two. I understand that it may not be taken kindly to use a drone on the children, but I am really fed up with my wife. Is it legal to use a drone on a wife?

    It is conditionally legal. Get in touch to get a quote.
  2. I am a husband of one and a mister of two. I think it is illegal to use a drone against a wife, but can I use it against the wife’s boyfriend?

    It is conditionally legal. Get in touch to get a quote.
  3. My neighbour’s dog disturbs me a lot. Is it legal to use a drone on a neighbour’s dog?

    It is conditionally legal. Get in touch to get a quote.
  4. I often see suspicious men on the streets. Is it legal to use drones on suspicious men?

    It is very much legal, but we still advise you to get in touch.
  5. I am not disturbed by the barking of my neighbour’s dog, but I think the dog is a homo. I have never seen him with a she-dog. Is it legal to use drones against homo dogs?

    It is very much legal, but we still advise you to get in touch.

  6. I heard on the news that some country’s prime minister or something has ordered bombing of innocent civilians because they are trying to overthrow the dictatorial rulers of the country. Can I use a drone against him?

    We have called the anti-terrorist squad on you. Don’t move, they are outside.**
  7. My boyfriend was acting funny and made me angry, so I used a drone on him. Now I am missing him. Can I get him back?

    This facility is temporarily unavailable. Sorry for the inconvenience.

** Update: We have recently been informed that they did not actually go there. They just sent a drone. That took care of it***.

*** From Anil Eklavya: So many people (including the Time magazine) are using my invention (*) illegally. I am going to file a 10 million dollar suit against them.

June 8, 2012

Another Lesson for the 21st Century

Filed under: Uncategorized — anileklavya @ 5:15 pm

Walker Survives Wisconsin Recall After GOP, Corporate Backers Rally and Dems Stay on Sidelines

Some Background for the Lesson

Joseph Stiglitz on “The Price of Inequality: How Today’s Divided Society Endangers Our Future”

Joseph Stiglitz on Occupy Wall Street & Why U.S.-Europe Austerity Will Only Weaken Economic Recovery

Joseph Stiglitz on Ways to Lessen Inequality in the United States

Resistance to NYPD’s Stop-and-Frisk Comes to D.C. as Lawmakers, Groups Urge Justice Dept. Probe

Muslim Group Files Landmark Suit Challenging NYPD Surveillance in Northeast

“Inside Job” Director Charles Ferguson: Wall Street Has Turned the U.S. into a “Predatory Nation”

“Inside Job” Director Charles Ferguson: Where Are the Criminal Prosecutions for Financial Crisis?

Norman Finkelstein on the Role of BDS & Why Obama Doesn’t Believe His Own Words on Israel-Palestine

Report from Cairo: Protests Erupt in Egypt as Mubarak’s Ex-PM Secures Spot in Presidential Runoff

Entrepreneurs of the revolution: jockeying for livelihood and security in post-Arab Spring Cairo

Tunisia: martyrs’ day violence, why and what’s next?

On First Anniversary of Wisconsin Uprising, Gov. Walker Fights Recall Effort by Energized Movement

Historic Effort to Recall Wisconsin Gov. Walker Reveals “People Power” After 1 Million Sign Petition

And a Special Reading (in Two Parts)

Like it or not, G4S is securing your world

Bringing the Battlefield to the Border

 

A Footnote (Or Is It An Endnote?)

Eklavya Goes to Work: As a Private Security Guard (Coming Soon)

On 5th June, I received the following recruitment-announcement mail directly to my (pseudonym’s) email address, that is, not through any kind of subscription:

 

DIRECT RECRUITMENT IN G4S(group4security services) LTD


G4S is the world’s leading security solutions group. We help to ensure the safety and welfare of millions of people worldwide. We secure airports and embassies, protect cash and valuables for banks and retailers across the globe, safeguard some of the most exciting events in the global sporting and entertainment calendar. We are a trusted partner to governments worldwide, keeping personnel and some of the world’s most important buildings safe and secure. We touch people’s lives in nearly every area you can imagine. Joining G4S offers a world of exciting challenges, great career opportunities and a chance to be part of the second largest private workforce in the world. The leading professional security organization in India G4S Secure Solutions has a strong nationwide presence with over 200 branches and regional presence spread across the country. We have a team of 140,000 professionally trained security personnel securing an impressive clientele which includes Diplomatic Missions, IT Industry, Multinational Companies, Hotels, Industrial Units, Airlines & Airports, Financial & Educational Institutions, Malls & Multiplexes, BPOs and many more. G4S provides smartly uniformed, professionally trained and well-supervised security officers who are responsible for security and safety of assets, personnel and property against loss due to theft, pilferage, intrusion, fire, flooding or an accident. The company is an ISO 9001: 2008 QMS certified by the Moody International and believes in total commitment to quality and client satisfaction. We understand the sensitivity of security business and the importance of providing professional and specialized expertise in accordance with the requirement and to the utmost satisfaction of the client. So we are Hiring for all location through India.


Ø Gunmen 100 posts salary would be per year 2,40,000/-


Ø supervisor 200 posts salary would be per year 2,50,000/-


Ø security guards 1000posts salary would be per year 1,50,000/-


============================================================


EDUCATIONAL QUALIFICATION FOR GUN MAN: 10 TH PASSED


EDUCATIONL QUALIFICATION FOR SUPERVIOSER : 12TH PASSED


EDUCATIONAL QUALIFICATION FOR SECURITY GAURDS: 10TH PASSED


Registered office address:


G4S India Corporate Office:


Panchwati, 82-A, Sector 18 Gurgaon – 122 016
Haryana India


Send your resume to: recruitment@group4-security.com


Selected candidates will be called for interview

 

(All emphases in the original.)

 

The mail is not marked as confidential (as many such mails are). It has been sent as a public announcement. That’s why I reproduce it here. If it is post-dispatchingly* classified as confidential, I promise to remove it.

* It’s a legitimate word, you know, like post-humously classifying someone as a terrorist, criminal etc., after killing them without knowing who they are (while killing them) and regardless of knowing who they were (after killing them). A very modern, high-tech-supported practice to make the world a better place.

I am sorry, I meant a safer place.

Don’t worry. We will soon be in the business of making the world a better place too. The plans are already afoot.

A wag had this to say:

I’m sure there’s a deliberate double meaning to G4S’s slogan which they probably found hilarious in the marketing department and boardroom when they came up with it: (1) creating a feeling of security in the world, and (2) taking it over!

I have to buy some clothes (to say the least). Where can I find a Word Domination T-shirt?

I am sorry again. I meant World Domination.

Don’t worry again. Word Domination is big a step towards World Domination.

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