अनिल एकलव्य ⇔ Anil Eklavya

January 16, 2011

Everybody Loves the Trauma Show

The phone rang, though I wasn’t expecting any calls at all. The call was not from any ‘contact’. I received the call, that is, I answered.

Me: Hello?

There was a girl at the other end. It seemed to be a call from a call centre. Let’s call her the Representative.

The Representative: Hello. May I talk to Mr. Anil Eklavya?

Me: I am Anil EKlavya.

The Representative: Sir, could I take some of your time?

Me: Yes, sure.

The Representative: Sir, I am calling from the LoveTrum Show…

Me: Love Trauma Show?

There was a pause at the other end. Possibly some sniggering too.

The Representative: No, sir, the LoveTrum Show.

She spelled out the name.

The Representative: The LOcal VErsion of the TRUMan Show.

Me: What is that?

The Representative: Sir, it is a kind of reality show.

Me: Reality show?

The Representative: Yes, sir. It’s a show in which the participants don’t need to be in the studio.

Me: Meaning?

The Representative: You can be in your own home and still be in this show.

Me: But I am not interested in any show. In fact, I don’t watch any T.V.

The Representative: Sir, could I take some of your time to explain in detail?

I thought for a moment and decided to let her complete. I don’t get any calls from girls anyway.

The Representative: Sir, this show is not a T.V. show. We have participants who just live in their own homes. Also, it is a multimedia muldimodal show. It includes still and moving images, audio, online activities, travel or anything else that the participant might do.

Me: You mean the whole life of someone is put on the show?

The Representative: Not always, sir. Sometimes some parts may be left out.

Me: Parts that the participant does not want to be shown?

The Representative: No, sir. The content of the show is not decided by the participant.

Me: Then who decides it?

There was a long pause.

The Representative: I am sorry, sir. I can’t help you with that.

Me: So the participant does not know when he is on the show?

The Representative: No, sir. The participant does not know that he is on the show.

Me: You mean the participant is put on the show without his knowledge or permission.

The Representative: Sir, the participant is selected after due process.

Me: Yes, but he is not told that he is being put on the show?

A pause again.

The Representative: No, sir. The participant is selected after due process.

Me: How can there be such a show?

The Representative: There is, sir.

Me: But how can it be allowed?

The Representative: It is allowed, sir.

Me: But who will watch such a show?

The Representative: The show is not watched, sir, it is followed. It is a multimedia multimodal show.

Me: OK, but who will follow such a show?

The Representative: It is a very popular show, sir. It is one of the most loved shows.

Me: I have never heard of it.

The Representative: It is an unlisted show, sir.

Me: Unlisted?

The Representative: Yes, sir. It is not publicly advertised.

Me: Then how do people follow it?

The Representative: We have a network, sir.

Me: Which company runs it?

The Representative: There is no company, sir.

Me: Then who manages it?

The Representative: It is run according to the Extended PPP model, sir.

Me: PPP model?

The Representative: The Public-Private Participation model, sir.

This time I had to pause.

Me: What if someone doesn’t want to be on the show?

The Representative: The participants don’t know that they are on the show, sir.

Me: What if they do find out?

The Representative: Don’t worry, sir. It does not affect the show.

Me: What do you mean it does not affect the show?

The Representative: The participant cannot affect the show, sir.

Me: What if he shifts from his place, home or office?

The Representative: Wherever you go, the show will follow you, sir.

Me: Me? You mean I am on the show?

This time there was a long pause.

The Representative: Yes, sir. You have been on the show for many years.

Me: What are you talking about? Many years means what?

Pause again.

The Representative: Sorry, sir, I can’t help you with that.

Me: You mean I am on the show and I can’t get out of it?

The Representative: Don’t worry, sir. The show is very popular.

Me: But I don’t want to be on the show.

The Representative: I am sorry, sir. The participant is selected after a due process.

Me: What process?

The Representative: Sorry, sir, I can’t help you with that.

Me: What kind of people would watch – follow – such a show?

The Representative: All kinds of people, sir. We have a very large and diverse following from all sections of society and from all regions. It has been certified to be beneficial for the society, the country and the world.

Me: But I am like J. D. Salinger. I am like Boo Radley. I don’t like to be on the show.

There was a very long pause this time. I thought the call got cut.

Me: Hello?

The Representative: Hello, sir. That only makes it more interesting, sir.

Me: But I don’t want to be on the show. How can I get out of it?

The Representative: I am sorry, sir. The participant is selected after a due process.

Me: What if I move to some other place?

The Representative: Wherever you go, the show will follow you, sir.

Me: What if the participant kills himself?

The Representative: As I informed you, sir, the participant doesn’t know.

Me: But you have told me just now.

The Representative: This is an exception, sir.

Me: What if the participant kills himself?

The Representative: Don’t worry, sir. Everyone has to die sooner or later.

Me: But what if the participant does kill himself?

The Representative: We have a waiting list of participants, sir.

Me: This is amazing. What if I make it public?

The Representative: That is not possible, sir.

Me: What do you mean it is not possible.

The Representative: It is an unlisted show, sir.

Me: It won’t be if I make it public.

The Representative: No one would believe it, sir.

Me: What if your call is recorded? I have your number too.

The Representative: The number does not exist, sir.

Me: What about the recorded call?

The Representative: You can record anything, sir.

Me: So, whatever I do, wherever I go, I will be on the show?

The Representative: Yes, sir.

Me: So why are you calling me?

The Representative: You have been selected for a special offer.

Me: What offer?

The Representative: You can follow someone else, sir.

Me: Someone else like me? Who is on the show?

The Representative: Yes, sir.

Me: How many people are on the show?

The Representative: I am sorry, sir, I can’t help you with that.

Me: Is there anything I can do without being on the show?

The Representative: I am sorry, sir, I can’t help you with that.

Pause from my side.

The Representative: Would you like to subscribe, sir? We have a very interesting case.

Me: No, I don’t want to follow anyone.

The Representative: Are you sure, sir?

Me: Yes, I am sure.

The Representative: Thank you very much, sir, for your time. Have a nice day. And don’t worry, sir.

The call ended and I wondered whether I had made a mistake.

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July 5, 2010

The (Not So) Secret Logo of India Inc.

The (Not So) Secret Logo India Inc.

A Trophy of the Operation Green Hunt

March 5, 2010

The Powerful Powerless Correlation

Filed under: Adventure,Network,Power,Powerful,Powerless,So It Goes,Spring — anileklavya @ 1:50 pm

For the last few days, there has been strange correlation. As I start watching some Howard Zinn video (apart from the video becoming unavailable and other network problems) on the Internet, there comes a long unscheduled power cut.

The institute here has its own power station. And the power goes in some places in the institute, not in others.

Sounds like paranoid? Of course, it does.

A cut in electric power supply for me means no tea, no food, no fans during that period. And it’s already really hot in the beginning of March, a time that used to associated with spring in other northern cities.

And no computer after the battery runs out.

The correlation suggests a powerful powerless strategy to deal with dissidence and dissent, even of the most mild kind.

January 11, 2010

400 m Dogfoodbowl

A lot of you had suggested new events for the coming series. It was very hard to select the few that we can accommodate. Out of these few, the judges have selected one for special mention. It will be called the 400 m Dogfoodbowl.

400 m is the right distance to cover in one go at good speed. Sprints are for those who start with an abnormal burst of energy but soon run out of it. You know what it can be compared to. Not very respectable. Kilometers are for half starved barefooted people who have to run because they can’t afford to ride. Can be compared to the same as above if you replace the young with the old. 400 m, on the other hand, represents healthy prosperity.

Direct hit on the ball to put it right into the hole is a good thing but doing so with an indirect hit is better. You hit one ball, which hits another. This second ball, in turn, hits the ball you want to put in. That’s a whole different level.

Combine these two things and you have got the star new event for the coming series.

But before we say more about it, there is an announcement to make. Most of you must be aware of this, but those who don’t, especially the newcomers, should take a note. In keeping with the tradition, you can bring along with you your own pardoned little things. However, since there are space and other constraints, we can only allow one pardoned little thing per kickarticipant. This is a restriction, but it will allow you to focus on dressing your little thing as well as you can. Let’s come out and show how well we treat little things as long as they are not impudent. Let us prove that we don’t hate little things. We love them like our children. But we should also make it very clear that if they misbehave, we are not going to treat them like our own children. So don’t allow your interest in dressing little things come in the way of the kickevents.

Coming back to the new event, though there will be no direct kicking, there is no dilution of the focus. The event is still about kicking little dogs. The novelty is that the player will do it as part of a 400 m race. The race will take place on a two storied track. The player will kick a dummy dogfoodbowl on the upper level. On the lower level there will be the little dog who will be chasing the real dogfoodbowl. The two bowls will be equipped with computing devices which will be connected through a bluetooth connection. As the player kicks the dummy bowl, the real bowl will also move forward. But, as you know, dogs can run much faster than human beings. To take this biological factor into account, the speeds of the bowls will be adjusted according to the ratio of the speeds of the player and little dog. This ratio will keep changing based on the actual speeds at any instant. This will ensure that the player does not have to run too fast to keep up with the dog. In fact, it will be the other way round.

Still, the event will require from the player that he or she be not only a first class runner but also have very good foot-eye coordination and that too while in motion on feet. You can be sure that the event is not going to be an easy one.

For all this effort, every player will be treated at a special banquet, apart from the usual medals etc. for the winners. The bowl that the little dog will be chasing will have the choicest canine delicacies, which will be given to the pardoned little dog brought by the player. The chasing dog won’t be starved. It will given what it deserves. If it does exceptionally well in the race, it might even be given a piece from the bowl it was chasing. After all, it will have to run in several other races and we don’t want it collapsing in the middle of the event.

So all of you who think they can be champions at this event, start practicing. The details about getting a slot at the track will be announced later.

January 3, 2010

Kickarticipate

We are pleased and honored to announce that the long awaited series of events are about to begin.

At the dawn of civilization, people started giving up their isolated lives and took their first steps towards what would much later be called Social Life. They started to work together and thus their lives became interlinked. They started to participate in common activities, leading to the development of the first institutions. Since those primitive days, we have traveled a long way. Some of the words used to describe social life are no longer so appropriate. Thus, in tune with the social life of the times, we call all of you to kickarticipate in the events you have long been waiting for.

Nothing brings more joy than kicking little things. And the best way to do so, in the hallowed traditions of civilization, is to do it together. Till now we have been doing this on a small to medium scale and in a scattered manner, but let us now shift from this somewhat anarchic way to a properly managed and well organized way of kicking.

Accordingly, this season we will be bringing to you a very varied set of events centered around kicking little things. Since the program has not yet been finalized, you are welcome to send any suggestions. The only condition is that the things to be kicked should be little (literally or metaphorically), should be alive and should not be able to hit back. Things which hit back cause unpleasantness and we do not want any unpleasantness on such a joyous occasion. Let everyone enjoy without any hindrance.

However, after some discussion and based on your feedback, we have decided to allow things which are able but unwilling to hit back.

Many suggestions have already been made about how the events should be designed. These include kicking indoors and outdoor, in person and by proxy, in sunlight and under artificial light, solo and as a band. And so on. The events could also be categorized according to the weight and age of the kicker and the kicked. The possibilities are limitless. The only limiting factor is the number of kickers and kickables. We are in touch with the sponsors (who have also agreed to provide prizes for the medalists) to ensure a reliable supply of the latter and have replacements ready during all times. But we need your cooperation for the former.

As you already know, the focus this time will be on kicking little dogs.

One of the attractions will be musical kicking. In this type of event, you can bring your own favorite piece of music and kick with the music (and perhaps even dance while you do it). From the popular Singing in the Rain to the classical Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, everything is allowed. You can even bring music composed by you. But do try to bring only very good music. The events should maintain the standards for good taste.

Once again, the events are going to begin soon. The rehearsals have already started. Be sure to turn up in good strength. We can all make it a great success.

March 30, 2008

Discovering Delightful Connections

I have been thinking about writing a post about what (at least one thing) to do when life seems unbearably depressive and you are in the grip of the EIM (Everything Is Meaningless) syndrome. When you feel that you can’t really believe in anyone or anything. Even the ‘best’ people start turning out to be unreasonably mean and nasty. And there seems to be no point in doing anything. Even waking up. Or eating.

By the way, psychologists would love to have this one more syndrome. Or have they already (gladly) got it?

I just came across something that reminded me of one such thing. I mean one of the things you can do at such EIM etc. times. And that is discovering delightful connections. I discovered one such connection.

A few days ago I had seen a movie (La Mome) about the legendary French popular (female) singer Edith Piaf. I will write about her later, but one of the things I learnt during my post-movie (re)search on the singer was that another legendary French popular (male) singer Yves Montand was discovered and mentored by Edith Piaf. He was also, for some time, her lover. Anyway, after seeing this movie, Edith Piaf became one of my favourite (favorite for the dominant party) singers.

Some months ago I had written about the director Costa Gavras and one of his movies called ‘Z’. This happens to be one of my favorite films. But I forgot who played the role of the assassinated (really) democratic leader in that movie. I am not very good at recognizing French (or other non-Indian and non-Hollywood) actors, though I have seen many many French films. Probably because they don’t have as strong a star system as Hollywood.

Today I (re)discovered that it was Yves Montand.

 

This is what I call a delightful connection.

One that can bring a smile on your face.

One that can make you recall that not all is meaningless.

One that can make you happy.

A little bit, if not much.

And make you Happily write a post again.

Etc.

(In case you are wondering, the use of a capital letter above is not arbitrary).

But there are one or two more connections that I would like to mention. At the end of the movie ‘Z’, when the military takes over the government, a list of things is announced which have been banned. The list goes something like this:

Peace movements, strikes, labor unions, long hair on men, The Beatles, other modern and popular music (“la musique populaire”), Sophocles, Leo Tolstoy, Aeschylus, writing that Socrates was homosexual, Eugène Ionesco, Jean-Paul Sartre, Anton Chekhov, Mark Twain, Samuel Beckett, the bar association, sociology, international encyclopedias, free press, and new math. Also banned is the letter Z, which was used as a symbolic reminder that Lambrakis and by extension the spirit of resistance lives (zi = “he (Lambrakis) lives”).

This list is from the Wikipedia page about ‘Z’, but I remember one more banned item from the movie: Pinter. The writer Harold Pinter.

Where are the connections? First, note the inclusion of popular music in the list. Second, ‘the spirit of resistance lives’ is used as a kind of a motto by the site ZNet (or ZMag) where articles (among other things) by a great many of the world’s intellectuals and activists are published.

The Hindi section of ZNet (still pretty small) was started by your’s truly. Another thing I found out today is that some of these translated articles have started making appearance on other (Hindi) sites and blogs.

Reason enough to smile. Even if the ‘best’ people are turning out to be (at least) mean and nasty and you feel EIM.

Does it sound somewhat Frank Capraesque (as in It’s a Wonderful Life)? No, I wouldn’t go that far.

A smile is enough.

March 20, 2008

The First Day of Spring … NOT!

Filed under: Adventure,Life,Literature,Movies,Silly Things,Spring,Summer,Work — anileklavya @ 10:57 am

I am sweating badly, sitting in my man made cave (MMC), even though the fan is running. I have hardly been outside for many days, so I decide to go for a while to another man made cave. The Lab. To my dismay I find that it is a holiday. Which means that my going there (coming here is more like it) is officially futile. There is no one to meet or discuss things with. Or even to show my face to.

Since it is a holiday, the A.C. is closed. And since the lab is air conditioned, there is no such thing as a fan in this MMC. So I have to sweat even more. But I should look at the positive side. Sweating is a symbol for hard work and, therefore, I can feel better morally.

I log on to my lab system and open the browser. The Google page shows flowers. I click on them and find out that it’s the first day of spring. Really? There must be some mistake. I am sweating the way people sweat in an Indian summer. Not quite as hell, but still quite hot.

Sure, it is the Spring Equinox day. It might be the beginning of spring somewhere (or manywhere), but where I am sitting it is not even the first day of summer. I wonder whether spring has any separate existence. Summer here starts sometime in the middle of February.

As I have already come, I will sit here for some time and do whatever I can. Including writing this post. Usually I don’t write posts from the lab.

There is a long spell of sweating ahead of me.

But no! Through some minor miracle (probably the coming of some eminent personage), the lab A.C. has started. I have been saved. Like people are saved by the (US) marines in so many (US) movies and (US) books. So many that (Nobel Prize winner) William Golding ended his dystopian novel Lord of the Flies this way. Was it a mock ending? We will talk about that later. I have something to say on that, but I will procrastinate.

But now I have to go back. I remember some work that I have to do in my MMC.

January 9, 2008

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